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08 July 2008 @ 10:44 pm
HOMOFAGS!!  
Second day of moving is now over. I think I held it together pretty well, except at the end when it was spontaneously decided to stop moving stuff even though there were only three things left in the truck. The excuse was that I was about to collapse, but I could've made it another couple minutes. I'm definitely not doing any more now, and I sure as hell ain't getting up at ass in the morning to get the stupid sofa chair out of the truck. I was also really pissed when we got shit out of storage. Why do we need a crib? What is the purpose of having all of these old magazines? Do we really need baby clothes at this point? And why, for the love of god, was there a box in storage that was completely empty except for about three beads and a pen cap at the bottom? I am most puzzled.

The worst part is that we're not even halfway done. Somebody else is doing the goddamn heavy lifting next weekend, because I am going to be spending my time making out and watching the L Word. In the meantime, I'm going to make my room look pretty, i.e. like an actual room, i.e. not just a storage space for books. I have so many books. But at least I know what books I want to get rid of, unlike some people. Gracious, when is Edgar ever going to read Catherine, Called Birdy? Never, that's when.

My muscles are super sore, so I'm just kind of flopping about in bed and listening to songs from Disney movies. Am I the only one who has thought from age 8 that Clopin from The Hunchback of Notre Dame is a huge flaming homofag? I mean, maybe it's the puppet or the accent or, I dunno, the flamboyance, the OUTFIT, but really. What the fuck. HOMOFAGS. Also Frollo is like the proto-Fred Phelps. I admit his voice is pretty hot, but the character is creepy as all good fuck. That is so not a kid's movie. 'Murder! Sexual desire! Mutants outcast from society and mocked at every turn! Attempted rape! A horse that sits on people! Twisted religious dudes setting fire to the entire country of France! YAYYY.' Frollo's Esmerelda thing is just . . . eurgh.

And speaking of homofags, is Miguel/Tulio (Road to El Dorado) canon? I mean, look, aside from the whole we-go-everywhere-and-do-everything-together, I-must-consult-with-Miguel-and-be-turned-on-by-his-eyes-before-I-make-any-decision, could-only-be-turned-straight-by-a-chick-who-is-as-hot-as-Chel thing . . . 'Friends Never Say Goodbye'? 'The Panic In Me'? Elton John? You're really trying, guys. Not to mention that whole bathing-naked-together thing. I mean, yeah, 1600s, okay, but for REAL? Couldn't you just have included a making-out scene and got it over with? But that would offend Frollo, so I guess you couldn't. Don't want to have him mad at you.

I really have nothing creative whatsoever to say other than FAGS, so I'mma shut up now and save you all from the horror that is myself with a sore back.

But I still say Miguel/Tulio is canon.

. . . Miguel/Tulio/Clopin?

CLOPIN IS UKE. I CALLED IT.

---

I wish I had gotten sore in a more fun way, 'cause this just sucks.

I can barely walk and have bruises all over my legs, which I think is a mark of how fucking sadly out of shape I am. It's really kind of ridiculous. Note to self: take a fucking walk.

Feeling unaccountably depressed, as one can tell by the fact that I can't start sentences properly. Probably something to do with the impending trip and the fact that my folks will die before I relearn German enough to have an actual conversation. And everybody I talk to about it says shut the fuck up, more or less. Whatever. Too late to do anything about it now. I'll just flop around until my room is in fit condition to entertain guests and then have a week-long video marathon. Or maybe I'll read Cat's Cradle and get even more depressed.

Incidentally, have changed mind - now believe Clopin would be seme. He has kind of a control thing. The puppets, &c. Anyways, Miguel and Tulio are pansies. Also, epic crossover pairing: Clopin/Kankurou? Trying to resist urge to write Miguel/Tulio. I am a good person, I am a good person, I will not ruin anybody's childhood, I am a good person. . . .

Have recently been prodded into interest in finishing The Adventures of Ishtar, &c. Have lost interest in just about everything since, but perhaps will become more engaged at some point soon. Have been planning Ashtoreth/Francis aspect, but still need to research history of St. Francis and plan how their entanglement will relate to that of Crowley and Aziraphale. Plotting is way more difficult than just writing emotions. And I suck at it. Plotting I've done is below the cut; anybody with any ideas, please spill. I'll credit you or whatever. Or you can write the story. I don't give a flying fuck. (Incidentally, Ashtoreth and Francis are tiny-part characters from Good Omens, the caretakers of Warlock. Ashtoreth is a demon who was originally the goddess Ishtar/Astarte/Inanna from Babylon/someplace/Phoenicia, Francis was St. Francis of Assissi, patron saint of cute furry things, as far as I recall. The Adventures of Ishtar has to do with how they were totally banging.)

Brief history - Saint Francis of Assisi - RESEARCH - the plow, the sky, walking on the earth, living in the earth, creator of fertility
Ishtar/demoness Ashtoreth - Who will plow my vulva? the earth, fertility, mother

Year before dismissal:
* Warlock causes trouble somehow - or lack of trouble? knocks over neighbour's mailbox, joins church choir - and Ashtoreth teaches him to sing? yes!
* Ashtoreth teaches him to sing, low and sensually, and Francis hears, has had enough
* Francis confronts Ashtoreth (where? on the way out the door? in the hallway?); she says it's not his business, they're there for the job
* Francis: job is wrong; child must be good
* Ashtoreth: child must be human, Francis doesn't understand - upset, breaks down, does not want the earth to die
* Francis realises she cares for the earth as much as he does (except less crappily phrased), won't admit to her that he understands
* Ashtoreth is angry with him, says he is doing the wrong Lord's work, shakes him, swears to save the world herself
* employer almost catches them; Francis ushers her out, she threatens him and walks away with the bearing of a goddess - affects Francis

Shortly following:
* Francis begins to suspect Warlock is not Antichrist; accidentally confides in Ashtoreth (how? murmuring to himself in garden? she brings it up? he slips in conversation? when would they converse?)
* Ashtoreth discusses hell, how she senses none of it in Warlock, seems worried
* employer sees them muttering together, so they go to a semi-sleazy bar
* Francis disgusted, Ashtoreth also to some extent, though smiles at several couples; Francis disapproves of what is clearly lust, but she says he doesn't understand, tells him of her past
* "I was a goddess once. I am lust, I am birth and rebirth, I am desire and fertility and continuation." She is momentarily proud as a goddess again; affects Francis strongly
* Stronger from the memories and the power around her, Ashtoreth: if Warlock not Antichrist, world will end; I will die without people worshipping me with their bodies
* Francis: And so the earth will die as well; visibly upset by this, doubting Warlock's identity as Antichrist, despondent
* Ashtoreth leans across sticky table and kisses him lightly, inflaming his senses (oh god Mills & Boone); he abruptly departs

Shortly following this:
* Ashtoreth confronts Francis with new information after being avoided for a while - C & A are blind to what's going on (or not) with Warlock, being distracted by avoiding each other and yo uknow &c.; too busy avoiding the truth of attraction whatever
* Francis shocked by such fraternisation between heavenly and hellish entities, or considered fraternisation anyways
* Ashtoreth, frankly: what would you call what we're doing?
* Francis offended, ground cracks slightly under his feet and Ashtoreth bends down to cover it with her hands, reprimanding him
* they both realise her head is at groin level at the same time; Ashtoreth looks up at Francis, stands up slowly, and whispers, "I am the earth. You are the gardener. I won't explain this again."
* She starts to walk away, but he pulls her back and takes her in the garden, fertility metaphors, &c. &c.
* caught? check book
 
 
 
ZERØ ✘ the rogue of dawn: Amused; Konata; Lucky Starexpletives on July 9th, 2008 06:03 am (UTC)
"Who will plow my vuvla?" <- A question for the ages.

Tulio/Miguel is totally canon, I can say this with even more certainty since I just rewatched the movie. However Chel/Tulio/Miguel is made of superior OT3 love.

HOMOFAGS.

What is this GO plotness I see and why am I not submersed in it?
>[
SCIENCE!: lesbian porndaughtersofisis on July 10th, 2008 12:45 am (UTC)
CHEL IS SO HOT. But what are your thoughts on Clopin?! I MUST KNOWWW.

This is the first part of my GO plotness. Which I wrote like a year and a half ago. >.< I suck at plotting.
ZERØ ✘ the rogue of dawn: Elated; Belphegor; KHReborn!expletives on July 10th, 2008 04:40 am (UTC)
I HAVEN'T WATCHED NOTRE DAME IN A DECADE AND I AGREE.

>.< Sleep now. Reading later. ♥
SCIENCE!: dis is mah lezbeenz icondaughtersofisis on July 10th, 2008 05:29 pm (UTC)
Photobucket

ARE THESE EYES THAT LIE?!
(Deleted comment)
SCIENCE!: matt!heartdaughtersofisis on July 10th, 2008 05:30 pm (UTC)
Yayyyyy, I am so glad! *hugs you*

P.S. I am totally right!
(Deleted comment)
twitchdemon: Heartstwitchdemon on July 12th, 2008 07:33 am (UTC)
Um, excuse me madam, but Catherine, Called Birdy is a goddamn classic, OKAY? Where are you gonna get the L Word? Can I partake of this glorious lesbonosity?

I don't remember anything about Hunchback, but I watched El Dorado with Gina on Christmas, and all I can say is I would totally bang Chel. Like a freight train. Or something. P.S. Fagits.

I like your plotting and also "plow my vulva", because wow . . . what. It sounds a lot like American Gods to me, with a dash of Small Gods. I still think Francis and Ashtoreth in the book are just C&A in different guise, but I like what you're doing with them here. <3

I hope you are prepared to get sore in a much more pleasant way this weekend. Hurr. *leers*